Chronology - Week 4


This site is dedicated to Carmen Wagner. It contains the chronology of her illness.

This is the chronology of what happened. It is presented in reverse order, so that the latest events are listed at the top.

�

Home

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4

Mom's Story, by Rommel
  • November 3, 4:00PM EST, 1999 Wednesday

From: Jim, Rommel, Candy, and Ron as well as their spouses and partners.

On November 3, 1999 at 3:00PM EST, with our unanimous consent, surrounded by her family and clergy, all life support was discontinued from Carmen. At 3:21PM EST she breathed her last. Her lasting impact was even felt by hospital staff as her ICU nurse volunteered to extend her shift so she could attend to Carmen for the last time.

Each of us wanted to take away something from those last moments. There were only images of dignity. Again, as she has in the past Mom challenged us to transcend ourselves. Husband Jim is a quiet and reserved man. Yet in those precious 21 minutes he eloquently spoke for us all about Mom's legacy. He spoke about her desire for us to support and love each other, her deep religious convictions and her wish for us to do good works. He spoke about how this tragedy had served to perpetuate what she wanted: a closer bond between all of us. In the final moments, Candy had her head on Mom's chest, as if listening and waiting for her last heart beat. Rommel urged her gently and tearfully to leave because we would be all right. Caroline mourned the loss of a surrogate mother who helped her as if Caroline was Mom's own daughter. Martin kept Candy strong, in case she needed it. By her very presence Cynthia helped me like no one could have.

I needed to close the circle. I felt the last breath in her chest. When it was quiet and we were alone, I reminded her that one day long ago it was just her and me. I wanted one last time to feel that.

We love you Mom, God speed.

P.S. Stayed tuned for funeral details.

  • November 3, 8:30 AM EST, 1999 Wednesday

    • The latest from Ron, in Rochester:

    In a few hours we as a family will have to face a decision on whether to withdraw the life support which currently sustains Mom. It's been a sleepless night for me. I feel a compulsion to write. I'd like to think that these series of entries would be an enduring record of this moment and a tribute to my Mom and her courage.

    There is a certain feeling of inevitability now, as we know Mom edges closer to a point where her condition will only deteriorate. More and more we discuss openly the arrangements we have to make after Mom's death. Even Jim, who at times is overwrought with emotion, seems to have accepted the situation by actively participating.

    The 2PM meeting with Drs. Orloff and Kaufmann, a social worker and the chaplain seems a formality. Obviously, we would like some reassurance from the doctors that her condition is irreversible. We would like to insure her comfort. Then we will discuss the process of terminating care. The most painful personal decision we each have to take is whether or not to be present when they withdraw life support.

    For me, the choice is easy. I will be there. That would close the circle for me. My Mom was there when I drew my first breath and I will be there when she draws her last. For a while, when my Dad was at sea and my siblings were not born yet, it was just her and me. The course of life had dimmed that memory but as the circle closes, I feel that bond more keenly.

    Having chosen, I feel a sense of calm and quiet strength. Perhaps I'm deluding myself, I could be just numb from the surreal insanity that surrounds me. But what I seem to feel is genuine and I draw it from her bedside.

    Peace.

  • November 2 8:30 PM EST, 1999 Tuesday

    • The latest from Rommel, in Rochester:

    It now appears her transplanted liver is showing signs of failure and she is regressing to her original condition prior to the transplant. After 2 weeks of stability and reports that the liver is functioning well, I was informed that more platelets (blood clotting factors) were going to be administered and the liver test results were discouraging. It is not clear weather or not the liver failure is a cause or an effect of the complications she is experiencing. She experienced another 'near arrest' this morning and they have increased the levels blood pressure drugs (Dophamine and Neo). I have not asked Dr. Kaufman if she is eligible for another transplant because I think I already know the answer. I was told earlier that Dr. Kaufman was not comfortable doing a simple bedside procedure like a Tracheosposy because her condition is so precarious. Therefore another major transplant is out of the question.

    Candy and Ron have arrived, and Tito Tommy (Carmen's brother) is on his way. We appear to be at the end of her struggle as a meeting set with Dr. Kaufman (ICU Director), Dr. Orloff (transplant team leader and attending physician) Jim, Ron, Candy, and myself will be discussing withdrawing treatment and ending mom's struggle.

    Peace.

  • November 2 10:30AM EST, 1999 Tuesday

    • The latest from Ron, now in Ottawa:

    Well, I'm not in Rochester, but news from there continues to be grim. Following the emergency she had Monday morning, Mom's condition is at a plateau. It's a lower plateau than she had been on all of last week.She is on some very heavy-duty drugs to keep her blood pressure up and the respirator is doing most of the breathing for her.Doctors are pessimistic about her chances for survival. She has pulled through before, so we are all hoping against hope that the doctors will be proved wrong again.

    There really is nothing more to say. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go to Rochester at a moment's notice.

  • Monday, October 31 10:30AM EST, 1999

The latest from Ron, now in Ottawa:

This is the hardest report I have yet to write. Mom may be losing her courageous fight. I spoke to Dr. Kaufmann on the phone and her condition is descibed as 'grave'. They have had to perform emergency care on her to maintain her blood pressure and breathing. They think she may be bleeding internally and that whatever infection she has is spreading. It looks like that lower white blood count was bad news after all. Jim is being supported by friends right now. Rommel and Candy have been notified. We now have to make the agonizing decision as to when we should make the trek back to the hospial. If Mom has one more miracle inside her, she should pull it off now. Good luck to us all. I hope my next report isn't from Rochester.